زمان

"زمان، در آن اغتشاش و آشفتگی، در آن جا به جایی نا معقول چیزها، در آن ترکیب و تجزیه و تکثیرهای خارج از قانون و قاعده، معنای همیشکیش را ندارد و به روز و شب و ساعت و دقیقه تقسیم نمی شود. انگار به آخرین لحظه رسیده ایم، آن وقت مرموز نهایی، انباشته از هیچ، لبریز از سکوت و تاریکی، آن دقیقه صامت و ثابت ابدی، آن سوی تمام دقیقه های هستی، پشت تاریخ و زندگی.
نمی دانیم چه روزی از هفته و چه فصلی و چه سالی است.
نمی دانیم که آیا آفتاب برخواسته و یا همچنان ادامه تاریکی دیرین است. دیروز و پریروزمان را گم کرده ایم و آینده را با شمارش نفس های متلاطم تخمین می زنیم."


خاطره های پراکنده - گلی ترقی

but WHY!!

why??? why why why why why?
Am I too negative?
Am I not open enough?

I donno! But I keep on thinking why why why...

topic?!?!?!?!?!

So school has started, and all the work is gradually piling up. I haven't done much yet, but I think I have to get started pretty soon.
I finally did it! I got tickets to the toronto international film festival! I'm gonna see three movies!!!!!!:D It feels good, doing something different, that I have wanted to do for so long, but never did cuz i have always been too lazy (?). Anyways, this is going to be fun! :D

I wanna do different things, things I haven't done. I'm gonna get more active, actually doing things that I always think would be fun if I did. Photography is one of those things I wanna continue doing. I've stopped it for a while, but I'm gonna improve my skills! I love it!
It's just awesome to see your photos after they turn out the way you want it.

Another thing that I wanna do is to be physically active. That keeps me fresh! :D This year I hope is gonna be different from all the past years. I wanna be full of energy!

Does this post sound kinda fake? Cuz it's not! but if I read this on some other person's blog, I would say: "How fake! how silly!" well what I feel right now is definitely not fake! just take note of that!

By the way, this post was labeled "school", but then I realized I haven't written much about school. Someone pointed out to me that it should be "school & movies", but that isn't quite to the point either since that's not exactly what I have talked about here!
So any suggestions for topics? I've been having trouble recently choosing my post topics!

Better topic?

I should have called the previous post something else, at least not "School". Cuz I realized it has nothing to do with school. Maybe "Life", or "Internal Revolution", or something like that might have sounded more appropriate right?!!

School

School started, just like the past two years. But everything else is different. Everything else is changing. I'm gonna have a whole new type of life in front of me. Some parts of my life, that I appreciate the most, are gonna be missing from my life. I don't know how that will affect me. How strong am I, as an individual? How can I handle the situation?
How can those who love me handle it?
Tomorrow, a lot of things will change, and new set of rules for my life will come into being. I will try my best to like the life ahead of me, at least I am looking at it positively now. I am planning to get the most out of it...
A first step for my new life is developing bigger circles of friends. I don't wanna feel alone, and it's important to fill up your leisure time with fun. I wanna keep up the fun, I wanna be full of energy; I wanna become a source of energy.

Bored...

Today I am bored. Why? I don't know!
However, it's not just a feeling of being bored, it's mixed with loneliness, and just you know, an ordinary life that I foresee for myself in the upcoming days, or rather, months. I don't like it... I want to define my life, but I think I don't have the power for it. Do I?
It's not like I don't like school, I love my courses, but I want the feeling that I had back in my highschool, the feeling that you have friends around you, not just a few, but you know, different groups of them that you can just have fun with them, laugh and talk with them, etc.
You know how I wanna define it? Okay, I wanna have my OWN moments of loneliness, there are things that I wanna do all by myself, alone, with no one else's presenece. I wanna devote some time to myself, to reflect, to think, to organize my life, the way I want it. But then, I also wanna have a FUN social life. A very active one indeed. I want a social life, and I think I had it in the summer, but I believe I will lose it again during the semesters, not so because I am busy studying, but because it's hard to get in touch with people and plan something out fun!
Right now, it's still easy I guess, to an extent, but I;m busy myself. But I know as soon as I am not busy, other people are going to be busy. The other thing is that I don't know that many people very well... I mean, I haven't socialized much in my classrooms, have I? that's the question I keep on asking myself today. I think I wanted more, but I don't have it. I wanna have more friends I can have fun with, and be comfortable with, so that I don't have to beg everyone to come with me when I don't wanna go somewhere alone. I should know people that are closer in characteristics to me; I should not be begging any one that is available to come with me, just so that I'm not alone.

talk talk talk blah blah blah...
I'm bored today. I so wanted to like, go to a simple coffeeshop with a few friends, and you know talk about miscallaneous stuff. But I felt like I don't belong.

Wish me luck

wish me luck... I hope all goes well....
I'm coming back to Toronto on sunday night, it's gonna be a pretty busy week since I have to get ready for school and pack up my stuff and go to residence, and a lot more to do!
Recently I haven't posted anything here... or in the photoblog.. I have more enthusiasm for posting things in my photoblog, but it's just that I have no new photos since I'm home all day long... but if I get the time (and the photos), I will definitely update my photoblog.... yeah, good idea!