Hayejanzadeam raje be zudtar residan be Iran...

Hayejanzadeam ke beram pishesho kolli baham dige hey behsinim harf bezanim! baad ... oon ye seri harf bezane, man ye seri harf bezanam!

Baad oon mano bebare coffeeshop haye bahalo hayejan angiz!

Ya inke bahash beram daneshgash karaye ajib gharib bokonam o dobare ehsas konam ke baham dige ye madrese mirim!!!

Ya inke khol shim o berim dobare tehrangardio jahaye random berim o ghaza bokhorim o bekhandim baad begim ma raftim folanja bebin cheghadr bahalim!!! :P

Baad kolli aks begirim o did haye mokhtalefe akso ke hamishe oon mibine...

Baad berim khoonashoon o... kolli maskhare bazi darbiyarimo o kholbaazio...

Baad berim too hayateshoon mesle rahnamayio dabirestan alaki bekhandim ke hame fek mikardan in do ta divunean! :P

Baad berim az un daste khiyabvoon chips e serke namaki begirim! :D beshinim roo pellehaye poshte asansor bokhorim!

Baad beshinim montazeresh ke biad o bekhandimo... kolli hayejan! Ba inke kaare poochi bud, va khodemoon ham midunestim, vali nemishe hayejan, va khandehasho enkaar kard ;)

Baad berim shahreketabe Niyavaran, hameye tabaghehasho bebinim...

Baad berim ghesmate ketabaye English o maskhare bazi darbiyarim o bekhandim

Beirm baraye ham dige cactus bekharim!

Baad berim ghesmate card hash... harkodom ye card vase khodemoon entekahb konim ke unyeki baramoon bekhare!!

Baad ham berim Mug hasho bebinim o nazar bedim... va az hame bahaltar ghesmate khodkar medad haash! vaay khodaaaaaaast!

Baad berim khooneye ma o roo takhte man deraz bekeshim o oonghadr harf bezanim ta khaste shim o khabaloo!!

Hamishe ham akharesh ya un diresh mishe o baayd bere... ya man...

Hamishe ham akharesh harfaye nesfe... karaye nakarde....

Va ba hameye inha, kolli harfhaye mizanim ke adam ba hichkas nemizane, va karayi mikonim ke ba hichkas nemikone...

Va kolli doostiye ghashang....

Neverland

It's kind of ironic how right in the middle of the exam time I feel so happy, of course not due to my exams (LOL!) but in fact I think that is the time when I finally find the time to enjoy other things!! I think it's because I don't have a lot to do, I only have 3 things to do: study for my three exams, and I can manage it whatever I want; and sometimes it's not such a pressing thing since it's spread out in more than half a month ;)...


So I get the time to enjoy myself.. and you know... sometimes you just feel happy... a friend of mine tells me that I am the same child that I have always been and I have never grown up :) I like this idea :)


I was looking at some old photos today, and I noticed that in my cousin's 6th birthday, my brother and both my cousins were dancing hand in hand... the funny thing is, no matter how hard you beg any of these guys to dance now, you would never be able to persuade them! :P

It's really nice to pay a visit to neverland every now and then, and I think I am there right now, along with my best friends... that's the best part.... :) I am not being left out alone in the neverland, no, we all pay a visit to neverland together... in fact to each other's neverlands, or even to someone else's....

In neverland you're not afraid to show your pure emotions, the most innocent ones, the ridiculously happy moments, the silly jokes, the big teardrops... isn't it nice to know that there are other people whom I love there as well? that are not afraid to shed a tear when something touches their heart, that are always willing to run around the house for a silly laugh...


It sure is nice :)

UCLA student tasered in the library

Wish you were here...

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?



And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?


How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here.

Self-knowledge

And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."
And he answered, saying:

Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well you should.

The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.

For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

-By Khalil Gibran, The Prophet.

define: terrorism

According to The Israel Project website: The FBI defines terrorism as "the unlawful use of force or violence against persons or property to intimidate or coerce a government, the civilian population, or any segment thereof, in furtherance of political or social objectives."

Now who is really being intimidated here?!!!

I just don't understand how the news agencies can ramble and ramble and ramble, saying that the Israelis are defending themselves, and that this is just an act of defense because two of their soldiers were caught. I mean, do the news agencies think we are idiots? Every time I hear the news, I feel like my intelligence is being deeply insulted!

Lebanon is completely ruined; Kofi Annan said today that there are 500,000 people displaced, many without food right now. What the news agencies mostly fail to broadcast is how Israel is defending its country by intimidating not only a segment of the Lebanese civilian population, but its whole entity! Well of course the Israelis have an end, and that's to achieve their political and social objective, to prove that they can kill as many civilians as they like.

Just remind me, what was the definition of terrorism?

Freedom of the swing

Today, I was [accidentally!!!] woken up earlier than usual. The early morning weather is just something different. You can smell the freshness in it, it's no cliche, you can really smell it!!!

There was a playground right in the middle of the square. It started bringing back so many nice memories... all these scenes just passing through my mind... just like "The Final Cut" movie.

I sat in a swing, moving my feet and my body back and forth. Going up, all the way to the sky. You feel a sort of freedom that just brings everything in you out, puts it all aside, and lets you free from all the little things that are constantly occupying your mind. You start becoming who you really are, just swinging back and forth and with each swing, losing more of the external artifacts polluting your soul.

Sleepless II: more (irrelevant) thoughts

Richard Bach said it so easily:
"If our friendship depends on things like space and time, then when we finally overcome space and time, we've destroyed our own brotherhood! But overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now. And in the middle of Here and Now, don't you think that we might see each other once or twice?"

But hmmm... Is it really that simple? I mean, suppose we overcome space and time, suppose space and time lose their effect in our friendship, suppose our friendship becomes, as they say, eternal. Is that it though? Can't it be enhanced? Is this all there is to it? Just space and time? No you and me?

I think we're just infinite. Even if the space and time stop, there's still so much more to do, so much more you can never finish, you can never reach the eternal. There's so much in you, so much in me, that we'll never be able to explore.

Another thing: let's say our friendship, our belief in our relationship, becomes eternal, freed from space and time. Now how about my knowledge about you? Is that independent of space and time?

Sleepless I

I finally got the energy from somewhere; I don't know where! I think it's because I'm thinking if I don't finish this, long weekend is going to be like crap! So I'm paying the price, staying up till now and doing work efficiently just to be able to get done with it.

I've almost done 2/3 of it. Another 1/3 is left. Right now it's 4:30 a.m. and I'm just working so efficiently because everyone is quiet. There's no sound. Nothing! Just the sound of my keyboard, along with the occasional groans of Tala, begging me to turn off the lights so that he can finally sleep. Well he does fall asleep, but he's such a light sleeper!! :P

Hmmm... I'm looking forward to tomorrow (I should say today!!). I'm planning to have lots of fun in the next 2 (or maybe 3, or actually maybe 4) days!!! :D If I can only get this over with...

Well I'm not complaining; it's really good for my near future :)

California!

So I am finally in California. I'm soo tired (most of you guys have already heard this from me 100000 times now!)... but in any case, it's just tiresome.. I donno why... I guess it's because in APL we're not exactly SITTING by the computer all day long, but instead jumping and running around the lab!!

and then we go downstairs to get some coffee, go to Sam's office to make some tea, laugh a little bit, and come back, and then it's not like we've already wasted so much time and we want to actually get some work done! NO! we're still running around the lab, and finally when we sit, we start sending msgs on msn and gmail! :D

Well, all the same, we still got work done, and in fact learn a lot (using caffeine and working our asses off at nights!)

Here, I'm sitting by a computer and I'm not exactly bored (!!), but just tired. You know, I feel like I want to go somewhere and sit there and just do what I wanna do for like half a day or a full day. I mean, I don't want anyone talking or interrupting or anything. I wanna do what I want to do! and then inhale some fresh air, get some energy, and get back on track.

At the same time, I am excited about all the new people, the environment and everything else. But I just feel like I'm overwhelmed right now... need to relax a little bit.

I rented a car, guess what? A red malibu!!! [;) I didn't ask for it! hehe!]

And once again:

Propaganda!!!!

I had to make a one-day trip from Toronto to LA. First off, there was the fingerprinting. That's a given considering the high correlation between being a terrorist and one's place of birth!

Later on, while waiting for my flight, I heard this on the CNN: "Are Iranian spies watching New York?" PROPAGANDA!!! And this was announced in the headlines section without further explanation! Ten minutes later, further explanation followed, only to prove that the headline was, expectedly, nothing but random guesses!!! All they knew was that maybe someone was watching some tower, and this may or may not be related to the Iranian government actually spying in New York, which is obviously, for nothing but to plan a terrorist attack!!! Of course this news, or shall I say gossip wrapped with mystery, is announced in the early morning headlines!!!

A few hours later, on the way back to Toronto, I noticed there was a code on my boarding pass, indicating "SSSS". And this is not the first time I have seen this on my boarding card! No! This has happened every time for the past couple of times!! Now what does this code mean? This means that we have been selected for a "Random" security check (Everyone that is marked with this code must be physically screened and have all their belongings searched thoroughly). The selection process was in fact so random that everyone in the special screening area spoke Farsi! (Using the ECE lingo, I guess if the countries were listed on the x-axis, the PDF of this random variable would be a delta function!)

Discrimination, disguised under America’s deep concern for the security of this great nation, and of course world-wide peace…

Moment of Reflection

I need some time, to think and to talk and to be...



* This post has a photo, but I'm not putting it in my photoblog because I am not the photographer.

Silence

I had so many thoughts in mind, so many things I could say. A voice within me, it was speaking, an active voice. But alas, none of the words vibrated my vocal cords...

Intimidated? or just shy?
What is it caused by?

Lack of confidence in the self?
Lack of confidence in one's knowledge?
Lack of confidence in one's ability to reason, and to defend one's ideas?
Is it caused by bad previous experience or lack thereof?

How can it be attacked?

Yesterday when I started writing the first paragraph of this post I had a very negative view of myself. But then when I decided to complete it now, my brain followed a more logical pathway. There sure is a reason for behaving this way, and if so, there might be a way to control it.

lies

Grown ups. Complications. Lies. Friendships shatter with lies. Internally of course, nothing should be shown, nobody should know about it. Cover everything! It's such a thick mask that you, yes yourself!, would even forget about its existence! Well it's already expected, you build up an image of your friendships and relationships so perfect that you actually believe it yourself. You start believing that your friendships are actually defined the way you think they're defined.

Yes, I have always feared growing up, for so many various reasons. And one of these reasons has always been getting used to lies, having friendships that are not transparent. I've feared this sooooooo much, and I always keep on thinking: well no one should do this, true friends never need to lie to each other because they understand each other. No this is a lie itself!!! Or maybe it's not, it's just too ideal. Too good to be true. Too hard to find.

Lies. That's all there is to growing up. It's important for you to wear your mask, and wear it tight. Play your roles, the way you have defined them.

And if you don't like playing this game, well too bad! You're already labelled with all the labels you can afford: she's dumb, she doesn't know what to say and what not to say, she doesn't think before talking, and the list goes on. You have to play this game as well, at least for other people, if not for yourself. Otherwise you're easily isolated from the rest of the world.


ای بازیگر گریه نکن
ما همه مون مثل همیم
صبح ها که از خواب پا می شیم
نقاب به صورت می زنیم

یکی معلم می شه و
یکی می شی خونه به دوش
یکی ترانه ساز می شه
یکی می شه غزل فروش

کهنه نقاب زندگی
تا شب تو صورت های ماست
گریه های پشت نقاب
مثل همیشه بی صداست

هر کسی هستی یه دفعه
پر بکش از پشت نقاب
از رو نوشته حرف نزن
رها شو از حیله خواب
نقش یک دریچه رو
رو میله قفس بکش
برای یک بار که شده
جای خودت بکس بکش

کاش که می شد تو زندگی
ما خودمون باشیم و بس
حتی برای یک نگاه
حتی برای یک نفس

تا کی به جای خودمون
نگاه ما حرف بزنه
تا کی سکوت و رج زدن
نقش نمایش منه

هر کسی هستی یه دفعه
پر بکش از پشت نقاب
از رو نوشته حرف نزن
رها شو از حیله خواب
نقش یک دریچه رو
رو میله قفس بکش
برای یک بار که شده
جای خودت بکس بکش

می خوام همین ترانه رو
رو صحنه فریاد بزنم
نقابم و پاره کنم
جای خودم داد بزنم

سقف

تو فکر یک سقفم
یک سقف بی روزن
یه سقف پا برجا
محکم تر از آهن

سقفی که تن پوش هراس ما باشه
تو سردی شب ها لباس ما باشه

سقفی اندازه قلب من و تو
واسه لمس تپش دلواپسی
برای شرم لطیف لحظه ها
واسه پیچیدن بوی اطلسی

زیر این سقف با تو از گل از از شب و ستاره می گم
از تو و از خواستن تو میگم و دوباره می گم
زندگیمو زیر این سقف با تو اندازه می گیرم
گم می شم تو معنی تو، معنی تازه می گیرم

سقفمون افسوس و افسوس
تن ابر آسمونه
یه افق، یه بی نهایت
کمترین فاصلمونه

تو فکر یک سقفم
یه سقف رویایی
سقفی برای ما
حتی مقوایی

تو فکر یک سقفم
یک سقف بی روزن
سقفی برای عشق
برای تو با من

سقفی اندازه قلب من و تو
واسه لمس تپش دلواپسی
براس شرم لطیف آینه ها
واسه پیچیدن بوی اطلسی
زیر این سقف، اگه باشه، پر می شه از گرمای تو
لختی پنجره هاشو می پوشونه دستای تو
زیر این سقف خوبه عطر خود فراموشی بپاشیم
آخر قصه بخوابیم اول ترانه پاشیم

سقفمون افسوس و افسوس
تن ابر آسمونه
یه اقف یه با نهایت
کمترین فلصامونه

تو فکر یک سقفم
...

Summary

Passion
Friendship
Farhad
Photography
[ ]
...
!!!

Pretty clear description of my current mood :D
Wish I could add Ski to the above list as well! :(

I don't know why, but at this time of the year, farhad feels soooo good. It just speaks my mind. I want to listen to it all day long. I love it!!!

I got a few complaints about my return. Well, yes, I have been pretty lazy in terms of writing in this blog; actually I have a lot of drafts saved, but I just don't feel like any of them are suitable for posting. Instead, I find it very easy to express myself in my photoblog. It is really fulfilling for me to post something there; a photo that reflects my inner self, along with a few lines, from a poem, or from myself.

Sometimes I look at the photo, and just write whatever comes to me. But then at other times, when I hear something nice that reflects my feelings or thoughts, I feel like I want to post it along with a photo. So I go and look to find if any of the photos I have taken match the text. If not, then I gotta get up and take my camera outside! :D

So check it out here. Don't know if you'll enjoy it as much as I do; after all, it's all in the eye of the beholder!

Return!

It's been a while since I last wrote here. I don't know why, I feel the urge to write here from time to time, but it hasn't been strong enough to make me do it. There are a lot of things on my mind that I want to write so that I can organize and structure my thoughts, but I feel sort of insecure about writing them here. Although I would very much appreciate it if someone could give me comments on my unwritten confusions, I feel obliged to keep them to myself. I should correct myself: maybe I don't feel insecure, maybe I just don't write them here because they are too sacred, as once one of my friends said. They are too sacred to be shared with anyone else but the bearers of the memory.

Anyways, what have I been up to? FUN! Lots of it! In tonnes! and not much studying :( well yeah, from the time I got back from Iran, I have been involved in arranging/attending different things! First the ski trip, then arranging the surprise party, and so on. All these little things keep on happening as well . It's been good so far.

I really liked skiing, I feel a sort of freedom, and challenge, both at the same time. The challenge component of it has been dominant for now, since my muscles are almost non-existant! But I see the freedom part of it coming along the way! It's something more or less like riding a bike. You need to know the rules to start doing it, but after that, it's just intuitive and you gotta develop your own way of doing it; and when you do that, oh you feel the breeze on your face and there's this feeling of freedom overtaking all your body! The same feeling that arises when you're driving 100 km/h on mount pleasant with an open sunroof and an open window! Or maybe even better!