زمان

"زمان، در آن اغتشاش و آشفتگی، در آن جا به جایی نا معقول چیزها، در آن ترکیب و تجزیه و تکثیرهای خارج از قانون و قاعده، معنای همیشکیش را ندارد و به روز و شب و ساعت و دقیقه تقسیم نمی شود. انگار به آخرین لحظه رسیده ایم، آن وقت مرموز نهایی، انباشته از هیچ، لبریز از سکوت و تاریکی، آن دقیقه صامت و ثابت ابدی، آن سوی تمام دقیقه های هستی، پشت تاریخ و زندگی.
نمی دانیم چه روزی از هفته و چه فصلی و چه سالی است.
نمی دانیم که آیا آفتاب برخواسته و یا همچنان ادامه تاریکی دیرین است. دیروز و پریروزمان را گم کرده ایم و آینده را با شمارش نفس های متلاطم تخمین می زنیم."


خاطره های پراکنده - گلی ترقی

but WHY!!

why??? why why why why why?
Am I too negative?
Am I not open enough?

I donno! But I keep on thinking why why why...

topic?!?!?!?!?!

So school has started, and all the work is gradually piling up. I haven't done much yet, but I think I have to get started pretty soon.
I finally did it! I got tickets to the toronto international film festival! I'm gonna see three movies!!!!!!:D It feels good, doing something different, that I have wanted to do for so long, but never did cuz i have always been too lazy (?). Anyways, this is going to be fun! :D

I wanna do different things, things I haven't done. I'm gonna get more active, actually doing things that I always think would be fun if I did. Photography is one of those things I wanna continue doing. I've stopped it for a while, but I'm gonna improve my skills! I love it!
It's just awesome to see your photos after they turn out the way you want it.

Another thing that I wanna do is to be physically active. That keeps me fresh! :D This year I hope is gonna be different from all the past years. I wanna be full of energy!

Does this post sound kinda fake? Cuz it's not! but if I read this on some other person's blog, I would say: "How fake! how silly!" well what I feel right now is definitely not fake! just take note of that!

By the way, this post was labeled "school", but then I realized I haven't written much about school. Someone pointed out to me that it should be "school & movies", but that isn't quite to the point either since that's not exactly what I have talked about here!
So any suggestions for topics? I've been having trouble recently choosing my post topics!

Better topic?

I should have called the previous post something else, at least not "School". Cuz I realized it has nothing to do with school. Maybe "Life", or "Internal Revolution", or something like that might have sounded more appropriate right?!!

School

School started, just like the past two years. But everything else is different. Everything else is changing. I'm gonna have a whole new type of life in front of me. Some parts of my life, that I appreciate the most, are gonna be missing from my life. I don't know how that will affect me. How strong am I, as an individual? How can I handle the situation?
How can those who love me handle it?
Tomorrow, a lot of things will change, and new set of rules for my life will come into being. I will try my best to like the life ahead of me, at least I am looking at it positively now. I am planning to get the most out of it...
A first step for my new life is developing bigger circles of friends. I don't wanna feel alone, and it's important to fill up your leisure time with fun. I wanna keep up the fun, I wanna be full of energy; I wanna become a source of energy.

Bored...

Today I am bored. Why? I don't know!
However, it's not just a feeling of being bored, it's mixed with loneliness, and just you know, an ordinary life that I foresee for myself in the upcoming days, or rather, months. I don't like it... I want to define my life, but I think I don't have the power for it. Do I?
It's not like I don't like school, I love my courses, but I want the feeling that I had back in my highschool, the feeling that you have friends around you, not just a few, but you know, different groups of them that you can just have fun with them, laugh and talk with them, etc.
You know how I wanna define it? Okay, I wanna have my OWN moments of loneliness, there are things that I wanna do all by myself, alone, with no one else's presenece. I wanna devote some time to myself, to reflect, to think, to organize my life, the way I want it. But then, I also wanna have a FUN social life. A very active one indeed. I want a social life, and I think I had it in the summer, but I believe I will lose it again during the semesters, not so because I am busy studying, but because it's hard to get in touch with people and plan something out fun!
Right now, it's still easy I guess, to an extent, but I;m busy myself. But I know as soon as I am not busy, other people are going to be busy. The other thing is that I don't know that many people very well... I mean, I haven't socialized much in my classrooms, have I? that's the question I keep on asking myself today. I think I wanted more, but I don't have it. I wanna have more friends I can have fun with, and be comfortable with, so that I don't have to beg everyone to come with me when I don't wanna go somewhere alone. I should know people that are closer in characteristics to me; I should not be begging any one that is available to come with me, just so that I'm not alone.

talk talk talk blah blah blah...
I'm bored today. I so wanted to like, go to a simple coffeeshop with a few friends, and you know talk about miscallaneous stuff. But I felt like I don't belong.

Wish me luck

wish me luck... I hope all goes well....
I'm coming back to Toronto on sunday night, it's gonna be a pretty busy week since I have to get ready for school and pack up my stuff and go to residence, and a lot more to do!
Recently I haven't posted anything here... or in the photoblog.. I have more enthusiasm for posting things in my photoblog, but it's just that I have no new photos since I'm home all day long... but if I get the time (and the photos), I will definitely update my photoblog.... yeah, good idea!

Home alone!

Hello!
Now it's just me & Tala! He's so depressed, cuz we've been leaving him to other people recently a lot since we had to travel back and forth... I'm trying to get him out of depression, but I donno... I mean, if I have to leave again by the end of the week, he will begin to be depressed again :(
Oh and by the way, I finally made my choice! I'm gonna take economy 100 for the HSS/CS course next year! Is that a wise decision or not? I mean, I like economy, and it has math so it shouldn't be hard right?
comments?

I'm Back??!!!

Khello!
I'm back! in T.O. ... quite surprisingly!
well... I didn't make up my mind with 100% certainty... up to now, the decisions that I have made in my life (if I indeed have had enough control over it) have always been made in a state of more or less certainty. What I mean is that, at the time I was making a decision, I have believed in what I was doing, and was sure to get it done. Usually, the case for me had always been to persuade others that the decision that I am making is the correct one. However, this time it has been completely different. I had two choices, each of which had a fair amount of advantages and some disadvantages. The decision-making was left solely to me. No external influences involved. Of course you can never say there are no external influences, because my environment, my family and my friends have played a great role in my decision. But none of them dictated to me what I should do, nor pushed me towards a certain decision with authorativeness.
The difficulty of this task, however, was not solely because I was given the power to decide, but because I was given the power to decide on such a delicate matter in a case where both of the options had their own advantages and disadvantages. I couldn't easily say which one outweighs the other one. I can't even say whether I have made the right choice or not, not even at this point in time. Another important thing was that I didn't have enough time to think over my two choices.
Now I have decided, rather, the decision has been made. I do not know who made the decision! Was it me? Or did it just happen that way? I know that no one else did, but I don't recall a moment where I said to myself: "Okay, let's go with this one!". I keep on rewinding back in my memory, but I can't find anything that resembles such a statement!
Don't be mistaken, I am not complaining! As I said, both of the situations have their advantages and disadvantages: neither one is bad! I would benefit from either one of them, maybe differently I guess...
Now there are people that I care about, and I especially care about how they think of me. I always say to people: you shouldn't really give that much value to how people think of you, but this time it's totally different. If there are a handful people whose opinion about me actually matters and makes a difference, it's them! I'm afraid that my action in this process has defined me in a way that I never thought it would. I'm afraid that what I have done has said things about who I am that are not necessraily correct. Or maybe they are correct, but I definitely DO NOT want them to be correct.
So now I'm back, with many questions in my mind, even more than before I leave... One of my good friends told me that no matter what decision I make, it will be the good one and the correct one. Another good friend told me that the important thing now is to be firm and move in the chosen direction with strength, no matter what has been chosen. I will try to believe as the first friend said, and act as the second one said...
Hopefully it will be a happy ending...

A photo taken from the blue shaky tiles in a water pond.
Pretty neat demonstration of my state of mind...

Timetable...

Today I've been trying SOO hard to fix this time table problem. I've been playing around with the courses, but I can't get it all right! I mean, for the winter term, it was pretty easy to fit it all and decide (of course I don't have many options there!), but for the fall term, it's harder! and I'm kinda nervous about not being able to get the courses that I want since this is my first time actually registering for my own courses online. Plus, I am not sure whether I'm gonna have a reliable internet connection here, and that makes me worry more.
So I spent all morning trying to fix the timetable problems. I left home at about 4 p.m. Did nothing, kinda feel unactive! I feel like I have extra physical energy that I wanna get rid of! (No mental energy to get rid of though!)
Actually, to save some mental energy, I usually decide to just stall the energy-consuming processes in my mind (which are increasing in number these days!). Currently, I have numerous, huge stalled processes sitting around my brain, waiting in line for being processed, but I'm busy writing my blog, walking, sleeping AND breathing, so I've got no time for them...
I tried uploading photos on this blog, but couldn't get it right... does anyone know how?

First Post!

Ok so, I'm writing my first post here with a very typical title: "First Post!". I guess everyone who wanted to write a first post, would give it the same title.
Anyways, if you're reading my blog, it's because you know me. So I use this space to update all of you.
First of all, I'm here in L.A. now. So I went to work out the transfer credits. At first glance, it all looks pretty complicated, and they're telling me that it might take me more than 2 years to finish my bachelors. If that's what's gonna happen, I'm coming back! But there's still some backdoors open for negotiation. So we'll have to see how it goes.
So here, they're telling me to take a lot of general courses: a couple english and social issues courses, 3 physics, 1 chemistry. Another stupid course that they are telling me to take is called: Electricity, Magnetism & Optics. They have accepted my 2nd year EM course, but my first year one they haven't, because it did not have an optics component!!! I'm sure their optics component is like 1 chapter at the most! There's also a couple other courses like that that they are telling me to re-take. But besides these, they have accepted 4-5 of my 2nd year ECE courses as their 3rd year level courses.
So right now, I'm kinda disappointed, and have started thinking more seriously about coming back. But I'm still not sure... we'll have to see what happens! I'm still very confused, and will probably have a better idea by early next week.
I'll keep u guys updated here!

I went to this seafood restaurant by the ocean last night, and when you asked them to pack your food, they came with golden-coloured foils by your table and packed your food in some cartoonish form, like a whale, or a fish or a duck! It was so nice! I personally got a duck, but I preferred to get a whale!!