Alone vs. Lonely
I'm not alone.
I don't know if I am lonely or not.
My friends, they don't talk to me. I don't make them feel good. I am NOT a positive existence for the world around me. Hmmm... I have a very weird feeling, like a sort of disappointment. All my body is kind of tingling. Weird feeling. Why?
Tingly feeling: So familiar, yet so far away from present. What is it? What does it mean? The last time I remember I had this feeling was a long time ago. It doesn't feel good. You need someone to believe in you, or maybe someone who calms you down. It's all about the SELF, you know, even when the issue is about the people around you, it's not actually it!! It's just a mask!! It's all about the self! So Selfish!!
My definition of friendship has changed, well not really. I mean, my definiton is still in the same context, but its limits have chnaged.
When my friends don't feel good, I can't help them. Why is it that some people become so important in my life? I care so much about them. Do they care about me to the same extent?
When I feel bad, my friends have helped me a lot. Is it because I believe in them, and truly accept that their opinions and ideas may be actually useful? Well, my friends have helped me A LOT when I feel bad. I try to help them too, with the same energy that they put in when they listen to me and help me. But alas, I feel exhausted, because I get the impression that all my effort is for nothing, for they don't really care about what I have to say. Or maybe it's just that what I say is so fucking stupid. The impression I get all the time is that what I talk about does not seem practical to my friends, basically, my comments seem useless to them.
What does it mean to have a tingly feeling all over your body?
8 comments:
Ya.. surprisingly as i told u i was feeling the same "tingly" feeling that night... and it might be for a various number of reasons:
1- You set to urself a number of stuff that you have to finish and accomplish during that day, that you didnt finish, or as in my case, didnt even start.. this happens to me a lot... for instance, id be setting aside my plan for the day in my head, so i need to do this and that, and i need to go here and there, and u actually turn down ppl who want to do other stuff, becuz u want to finish ur stuff, but u dont end up finishing it.. this gives me the worst feeling ever on bed before i sleep... lol.. i go like damn it, im not even close to finishing what i planned to start, nor did i even go out with bla bla and had fun.. that might be a reason..
2-about the friends perpective, well ya i have similar scenarios too.. but i am kind of the opposite case than yours, i have a few number of ppl in my life that im soo close to, for example my high school friends and stuff, ppl i lived years with.. id do anything for these ppl, but i dont feel appreciated, and i sometimes feel im being taken forgranted, i.e. i dont know if i mean to them the same way they mean to me.. that kind of frustrates me sometimes... You know, they always ask for advice at differeent areas and stuff, and im always generous with my advice, but they always always always end up doing exactly the opposite of what i say.. hehe , like ofcourse its their choice after all, but why ask me in the first place you know ?... if my advice is gonna be that useless, why ask me then for God's sake.. but its a different case when they give me advice on something, i take it tooo seriously, and actually work towards doing it, true im a pretty stubborn person, and if im convinced that smething is right in my head, no matter who wont convince me its wrong, but ofcourse i take my friends comments and advice into serious consideration, (for the least of it, i wont show them in their face that im doing exactly the ooposite of what they adviced) hehe..
3- or sometimes its a problem of confidence, atleast that is the case with me... although i show most of the time that i am confident with what im doing or saying, but truly i am not.. haha.. its a strategy i developed in order not to show my weaknesses, esp in front of ppl i meet newly.. but while my front mask is a confident happy guy, my inner inside, is a shy, quiet guy.. when i say anything, it actually tends to circulate in my head a million times to know if wat i said shoul dbe said or not, or wat i did should be done or not, i think u know wat i mean... hehe. so that also provides weird feelings some times...
hehe, above i provided 3 cases that actually make me get that tingly feeling sometimes, i dont know how much they apply to yu... :)
salam! chi shodi tooooo???!!!! che harfaaye ajibi! yani kheyli baram ajibe ke to in harfaro bezani!! kamelan ba tasviri ke man az to daram fargh mikone! man nemidoonam chi pish oomade ya chi shode ke to injoori migi vali "they don't really care about what I have to say. Or maybe it's just that what I say is so fucking stupid" ini ke migi aslan dorost nist. yani khob nemidoonam ke chi shodeee!!! vali har chizi ham ke shode bashe to nabayad ye lahzam too in shak koni ke doostit va hozooret(elzaman fiziki manzooram nist!) kheyli arzesh dare va mofide. baraye man yeki ke kheyli tasir dashte va hatta ba vojoode in chand saali ke naboodi hanoozam tasiresh porrange va dast nakhorde baaghi moonde.motmaen bash ke nazaraatet va fekret baraye doostaat ahamiat dare.chi shode hala arezou? man hichi nemitoonam begam chon hich tasavori az inke chi shode nadaram vali bavar kon ajibe ke to inaro migi! too zehne man ke to symbole ye dooste khoob hasti! va man kamelan behet iman daram. chi shodeeee? joon man begoo chi shode? alan che vaghte in harfaaast? emtehanaato bede bia inja mokhet hava bokhore dooooste man!!! ;) chera injoori migi? :( ki aziatet karde beram shikamesho sooofre konam!!!!!
stop doing drugs...
or start.
I'm just kidding
welcome to your quarter-life crisis.
drugz yeh, there is always that option...I feel like dropping my own penny here. There is a feeling of fulfillness associated with everything that we do in our lives, sometimes though things don't go as planned or as should, thus one won't seem as fullfilled as he/she should have been. The same thing goes with every little thing that one does in life including friendships, relations and even course selections ;). It's always good to set smaller goals and achieve them one by one fullfilling yourself step by step.
dam...I am generalizing again, and about friends: friendship is but a system of needs and cosequently expectations. It's ridiculous (and too idealistic ) to think friendships are based on some spiritual template somewhere out of this mundance world. (Though there is strong spirituallity associated with long lasting friendships, they are still more a system of needs rather than a special bond). So, no matter how long lasting the friendships, at times friends can't fill the needs for one another. This epcially seems wirend in longer lasting friendships where expecations are high, for the helper to be able to help, or for the other one to be helped. If this doesn't go as planned the set of expectations (in ur mind) would produce a feeling of unfulfillment, creating images that would oppose the spiritual illusion of the long lasting friendship (where friends MUST be able to help each other). This is paricularly common in eastern, and mid-eastern cultures where langaues of cultures allow for more idealitic relations.
BUT...
Despite all this, the solution is not to ignore such problems, or even worse see them through dry western perspectives. Problems as such would usually be cured with time (especially if there are just illusions, and enough turst exists between friends), in other cases, it'll always help to break down problem, analyzing it with some sense of reason in order to avoid illusions that could later hurt the friendships.
and Last thing:
Mind is everything, minds are so powerfull, they can create new universes around you, making an enemy a friend or a friend and enemy, that's why it's important to rely on evidence and dry logic, especialy when issues are emotional. This way, the your powers will be tamed, and then you can use this immense power how ever you want.
gooosale chera neminevisi akheeee? agaram benvisi man nemitoonsm bebinam nemiaaaaad!!!!:P are dige!! edaame harfamoono bezanim!:D ok dige loos shod! kasi mifahme man chi migam? ok chert shod! byeeeeeeee :D
delam barat tang shooooood! kashki bishtar mimooondi! torokhoda inja tond tond benvisss ok?!! doooste gomshodeye maaan khodahaaafezzzz ;):P hoooof!
khanoooooome keshavarz! update nakoni ye vaght ha?:P zeshte!
khanoom shomaa aslaaan nanevis lotfaaan, migiraneeet, Gonah dareeh be khooda....
Post a Comment