Reflection

WARNING: LONG POST!

I've noticed that I have been learning more and more about myself through interaction with the people around me. I mean, sometimes I react to certain events in a way that even surprise me! Not that I am totally unpredictable or anything, (LOL even to myself), but it's just that I don't really have a concrete definition of "ME". Although it isn't necessary (and is even futile) to try to define oneself in every aspect, it's important for a person to know the self.

Aside: Don't confuse this with building a model of yourself and restraining yourself to it, because if you leave no room for flexibility, you're a dead person, there's no enthusiasm, no surprise, no excitement, and thus, no life.

Back to the topic: As I interact with people, I have noticed that some of my behaviors do not have any basis; I mean, if someone asks me "Why did you do this when that happened?" I would have no answer. It's good that I have realized this, cuz now I try to search for a reason why I behave in the way I do, and in case I don't find any reason, at least I find out what I would rather see in my behavior instead of the default one.

There was a stage in my life when I defined certain things for myself, and found the answer to some of my questions. Alas, I have not continued that scheme. So now I feel like I need to reflect back more in the things I do, and why I do them. Recently, there have been dilemmas again in my mind, and I have to sort them out. I have to think about them, reason them out. If these dilemmas are not sorted out, if my questions are not answered, then I do not have a strong personality, I do not have a character. In that case, I swing from one behavior to the other, even totally opposite ones, as I interact with different people. Although I see a reflection of what I am through interaction with the people around me, their behavior should not be my dominant source of inspiration!

However, I have one main characteristic (that I do know about!), and that is that I can't think silent. I mean, when I am processing information and searching for answers through logical reasoning, I need it to be out loud. I need to be involved in an argument. Otherwise my mind just sits back and relaxes! So now we need to trigger this sleeping mind to do some thinking, to get into arguments, dilemmas, discussions and challenges again!

Some methods I can think of are: writing in this blog, talking to a friend and reading a book. Give me ideas!